commit or quit
I always used to tell my dad before an audition for a show that I had to “go big or go home.” I couldn’t approach it half-way or with the mindset of “I’m just going for an extra." I wanted to give it my all and see what happened, rather than be unprepared or mediocre. If I wasn’t going to be ready or completely invested, I’d rather not try or do it at all. (There are flaws to this theory, but I do think there’s a lot to say about ‘all or nothing.’)
I’ve always loved to write. Whether it’s for work, long emails to friends, in a journal or on this little place on the internet, it’s always felt natural to me to settle into a chair with my computer or a notebook and go for it. This time last summer, I think I was a completely different person. I was afraid of the world around me and overwhelmed by the newfound independence that came with the post-grad transition. An outlet of my own seemed like the best outlet to share the highs and lows.
But then I started to compare myself. Person after person on my Facebook feed was sharing her new blog, and professional bloggers that felt like my friends (am I the only one who feels like they actually know Carly, Grace and Liz?!) were sharing perfectly curated posts, as I became more and more wrapped up in work and the multitude of things that compete for attention here in the Big Apple. My posts were either lengthy or almost nonexistent, and I felt weirdly embarrassed to be add “oh, I have a casual blog” as a hobby. (why?!) I also am not a huge picture person, and the pressure to look put together and post interesting things intimidated me. (I'm sure my siblings are laughing, because out of the three of us, I'm the picture person!)
I wondered if maintaining this domain and investing time into a content calendar, additional Instagram account, etc., was worth it, if people would read it, would it be a weird thing to have pop up in a Google search of my name. Should I commit or quit? Despite the flood of content available online, I think there’s always room for reflection, fresh thoughts, favorite travel destinations, books read lately, $1 pizza recommendations. I also realized that I started this entire thing for myself. The readers are nice (aka my mom and ~10 Facebook friends), but the ability to write for fun is the real perk here. And, if I ever write something that benefits someone else, that’s the cherry on top.
So—after pondering the question of “commit or quit?” when it came to keeping the blog or appreciating its role in being there when I needed it, I’m committing. Even if it’s just for me, and isn’t as structured or put together as I may want. Even if everyone and their mother has one these days. I’m learning to accept that perfectionism may not be worth it for the “fun” things in life anymore… so, everyone’s invited to keep tabs on this spot, or are more than welcome to move along. But I’m sticking around.